By Michael Asante
Some Christian men adopt the wrong approach at making their intentions known to the women of their hearts. What should they do in order to succeed in a marriage proposal?
Be sure of her
Pray and receive assurance before you approach her. Be sure of your agape love for her. Never propose to her if you are not convinced you really love her. Even if you are convinced you love her, do not propose to her if you are not ready.
Be friends before you propose
Generally, women of early marriageable years receive several proposals. So what makes you think that when you propose to her at first sight or within a few weeks of knowing her, she will respond positively? Women are likely to accept proposals of people they know very well or people who have been their friends. This is because it helps them to know the person well in order to make a better decision and provide a foundation for a lasting relationship. Sex alone cannot keep a marriage going; it will take friendship to keep a marriage going when the other things that spice up the marriage are gone.
Choose the right setting
Do not propose on phone, through a friend or through a letter; propose in person, face-to-face. Propose in an environment that is conducive to her; don’t propose in a crowded area or in a secluded area. Don’t propose when she is in a bad mood, going to study or writing exams. Plan ahead and make sure you get the right time and the right environment. Be sensitive and creative. Dress well and make sure you smell good.
Don’t boast, brag, talk about yourself and achievements, disclose financial status, or pretend. Because of the platonic friendship you’ve developed, she should have known you well enough. Yaw Boamah advises that “it is even better if the lady has a suspicion that you are likely to make a move. That will help her to be mentally and emotionally prepared for your announcement.”
Be confident and not over-confident but bold. Do not flatter. Just go straight to the point and be brief. Be sincere and truthful and have a good reason why you want the relationship. Don’t say things like, “I want you to be my girl”, “I love everything about you”, “I just like the way you are”, “I had a prophecy that you are my wife”.
Be respectful and polite in your approach. Don’t buy her love through expensive gifts. Don’t be overbearing or authoritative. Don’t ask for sex. Don’t paint someone who has already proposed to her in a bad picture or run him down in order to get a better chance of winning her; that is equal to selfishness. Mean what you say and assure her of your love.
Continuous calls are a border. Don’t pester for quick or immediate answer. Do not be over-bearing, authoritative or demanding. Wait patiently for her response. It shows that you are a mature person.
Respect her decision
Whatever the proposal outcome, accept it. Respect her decision. Continue the friendship even if response is negative. Nevertheless, some women may change their minds after turning you down, so don’t give up with first answers; just give her time.
Do not make it a habit of proposing to different ladies in rapid succession just because your earlier proposals have been rejected and this time you want to make sure that at least one of the proposals go through. You cannot marry more than one person; what if each of the ladies you propose to give a positive answer, what do you do? If each of them gets to know of what you’ve done, they will conclude that you’re a womanizer, and this will destroy your chances of even winning one person. Anyone who consults them for advice concerning your proposal will have a different opinion about you-a negative one of course.
There may be some factors that you will need to look at before you act. For instance, God’s word concerning inter-religious marriage is clear: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV). Do not go about proposing to unbelievers. By marrying an unbeliever, you will shrink from the faith since your interests will conflict. Here is someone without the Spirit of God. She will make you do things that will draw you away from God. Other factors that you may consider are differences in age, educational background, or tribe.
It’s my prayer that you attract a godly woman and when it’s time for you to propose to her, her answer be yes.
Michael Okyere Asante is a writer and peer counsellor. He is the author of several publications including “Forgiving Yourself: A Necessary Step to Overcoming Guilt” in Unshackled and Free: True Stories of Forgiveness, eds.