By Dave Allen
Here’s a question for the Christian husband. How are you doing in the bedroom?
Before you answer let me add a filter to that question. How are you doing in the bedroom…in your wife’s opinion? Most men, even the Christian husband, have over inflated egos, seeing themselves as a great lover, a real Casanova or Don Juan if you will. But truth be known, such is not usually the case.
In fact, most men have a lot to learn when it comes to pleasing their wives in the bedroom, because fulfilling sex for a woman begins long before the two of you ever make it to the bedroom.
Men are classically known as being ever ready. Just like the energizer bunny, on standby just waiting for the switch to be flipped on. And for most, it takes such a light touch to flip that switch. Our wife steps out of the shower and instantly our lights are ready to shine.
Now there is nothing wrong with “quickies” from time to time. Women enjoy those too occasionally, with the key word there being occasionally.
God designed women differently than men, and I don’t just mean from the obvious physical standpoint. The human race is quite fortunate that God had the wisdom and foresight to define those differences between the sexes.
In a recent poll, Christian wives were asked what was most important to them in lovemaking. Connecting emotionally with their Christian husband was the number one answer. Intercourse came in a distant fourth on the list.
Most men operate on the opposite end of the spectrum. We depend on the physical act of intercourse to develop the closeness and emotional bonds in the relationship. It’s like we are putting the buggy before the horse.
Another problem that the Christian husband and most men have is we sometimes feel threatened in our manhood if a woman tries to direct us in our lovemaking. (There goes that ego thing again!) But let me ask you, guys…what is wrong with your wife giving you a few pointers as to what feels best to her? She is after all much more in touch with her body and her feelings than what you are.
A word of caution though, ladies. Be gentle with us. Surely you can find just the right words to inspire and coach us and build up our confidence rather than demean and destroy our pride and our manhood.
One of the biggest problems that couples have in the bedroom is the lack of communication. For most men, including the Christian husband, that lack is two-fold. First, men don’t tend to communicate as well as women, especially when it concerns our feelings and emotions. It’s just not something that “real men” do. I believe that lie can be attributed to a number of things. How many boys have heard their dads and sometimes even their moms say “dry up those tears boy! Men don’t cry!”? Wanting to be a man and imitate our fathers, boys learn to suppress tears and the emotions behind them.
Our culture further cements that belief in our subconscious through television and the portrayal of “real men” by big name celebrities on the wide screen. And the truth is, it’s a shame. Because real me do cry! Real men do have feelings! Prime example, John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” I don’t know of a manlier man than Jesus, but that’s another story for another time.
The second part of the communication problem we men…yes, even the Christian husband has, is we don’t tend to listen and really hear what our wives are saying when they speak to us. Our wives try to talk to us and relay little bits of information that could greatly enhance our relationship, and we tune them out. They are attempting to connect with us emotionally, which would greatly enhance the desired sexual relationship which we are hoping for, but we are too focused on the ultimate objective to allow for what we view as distractions. It’s like men are on a mission, while women are on an expedition.
There is an old song by Mickey Gilley, “I Overlooked An Orchid, While Searching For A Rose.” I think we need to slow down a little bit guys and see what all we have been missing out on. What delicacies have you left laying on the table?
Any man can become a great Christian husband and lover if he is willing to learn some things that may go opposite of what is the norm. Great Christian husbands are those that can be the protector of their family while still being gentle, caring, tender and open to their wives with their feelings and emotions. I know it’s not natural guys, but learn to talk while you’re making love. And learn to listen. I bet you’ll learn something new when you do. And your bedroom score will soar.
Dave Allen is just an ordinary man who loves his God, loves his family and loves his readers. Now semi-retired/self employed Dave spends most of his time researching and finding ways to help people with problems that they may be experiencing in their lives. Relationships can be difficult at times, even under the best of circumstances. Many issues can plague a marriage. Sexual problems are just one, but often it can be a crucial one. If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual problems, especially in the Christian marriage, there is some vital information you need to have in your hands today.