Mr. Happy, the silent half of the Happy couple, speaks out this month in Man Cave, our newest column. Next month we’ll feature another guest columnist exploring everything important to a man’s heart.
Hmmm. Now this is an interesting subject—“How to Satisfy a Woman.” And you might think my answer is all about sexual fulfillment. Well, it isn’t. But then again, it is. Read on.
The real topic for us Christian men should be “How to Satisfy Your Wife.” Because this is not about a woman; it is about the woman God blessed you with.
I’m going to be honest here. I get annoyed with going to men’s groups and hearing guys joke or whine about how their wife is a burden or how she doesn't consider their needs or doesn't listen to them. All I can say is grow up. Take charge of the situation.
Satisfying your wife starts with the manual--the guidebook—to man and woman relationships. It is the Bible. If that is not your guide, you’re going to have problems, because while just about everyone has an opinion about relationships, God has the final say.
Let's face it, men, we generally need a lot of help with relationships. We often want to just fix things and get on with it. That’s why you'll hear silly advice like “give her flowers,” “buy her candy,” “say you're sorry,” or “pray about it.” None of these suggestions are bad in and of themselves. But if you’re just trying to fix things, these gestures are empty, and she doesn’t want them.
So, what should a man do? You want to have sex, but she’s mad, and you can’t figure out why. The problem is you didn't start early enough. You’re trying to fix something that’s broken, but God shows us how to keep it from getting broken. He shows us how to do preventative maintenance.
Check out Ephesians 5:25-33, which has some great points on your relationship with your wife. Here, God tells us to consider our wife, to know who she is a person, and to find our sustenance in her. Go to that passage and look at it as we talk.
We men can be pretty selfish sometimes. That is why Paul tells us to give up ourselves for our wife's sake just like Christ gave up Himself, His position, and His life for the church. How do we do that? Talk to your wife. Ask her what she likes. Ask her what makes her happy.
Remember what you did before you got married? You used to have those long conversations with her, and you talked about all kinds of things. You were getting to know her. Well, don't stop getting to know her. Her likes and dislikes may change. Keep up to date and don't think that what was nice a year ago is the same today. It might be, but it might not.
I remember another comment that came up a lot in those men’s groups: “She can't make up her mind!” So what? Talk to her. Give her some suggestions. If she can't make up her mind, find out why. Maybe something is bothering her. This segues into another aspect of getting to know her as a person.
Paul tells us to cleanse our wife with the water of the Word and to nurture her. That means that we as men need to become someone who loves the word of God. You must study the Bible, ask God for wisdom, and seek Him for strength and understanding. Believe it or not, your wife wants you to teach her from the Bible. She wants you to make wise decisions. She wants to hear insights that God gave you. It is interesting that it is our responsibility as husbands to show our wife as a special presentation to God (v. 27) because of our concern for her as His daughter.
The language Paul uses here, "nourish and cherish" (v. 29), is the kind of attitude and concern a farmer or gardener would have for the plants he is cultivating. He must know what the plant needs. There is a certain time to water. There is a certain amount of water. There is a certain type of food that the plant needs. There is a certain time to harvest. (For you guys who have problems with figurative language, harvest = sex.)
So, find out about your wife's gifts and talents. Find ways to help her fulfill her dreams. Encourage her to take risks. Pray for and with her. Be her biggest fan. Talk to her. I will say it again, get to know her as a person.
We feed our bodies because we need sustenance. We need food to survive. We need water to survive. What do you do when you get hungry or thirsty? You eat or you drink. In this passage in Ephesians, Paul is talking about feeding your wife because she feeds you. We are one flesh with our wife. What hurts her will eventually hurt you. She will not want to have sex with you if you’re mean and disrespectful to her or ignore her. What helps her and feeds her will result in helping and feeding you. Respect her. Love her. Take care of her.
What if you’ve made mistakes up until now? What if you’re at a difficult place in your relationship with your wife? What if you’ve completely blown it? It is not too late. Repent before God. Ask your wife to forgive you. Talk to her and find out what is wrong and humbly listen. Don't try to fix it. Just listen.
In Proverbs 5, we’re told to drink water from our own cistern and fresh water from our own well—meaning your wife. So take care of your wife. Consider her needs. Get to know her as a person. See her sustenance as your sustenance. When you do these things, the benefits of Proverbs 5:17-19 are yours. Go ahead and read it!
By the way, I talked to Mrs. Happy, and she confirmed that when I do these things, she really is happy to let her streams flow.
Mr. Happy has been married to one woman for a long time.