By Angie Lewis
Is your spouse cheating? Sadly and amazingly enough this sort of behavior is going on in Christian marriages too! What can people do when they realize that their spouse has been unfaithful? First of all understand that this problem is not about “how you feel”. Your feelings are ok to have but don’t base your actions on those feelings.
The pandemic of adultery in marriage today is all about the cheater they are mislead into believing that they can defraud and disrespect another person’s physical space while at the same time trespassing against the marriage bed. Reality dictates that this will happen again and again until your spouse gives up the need for approval and emotional ego boosting from others, which happens only when they get right with God.
Most people who do cheat on their spouse and use others emotionally and sexually do it to “feel” better about who they are. There’s usually no “real love” involved in the relationship because it’s only based on what one can gain from it. They use others to create a facade of happiness, but it is a false sense of happiness. Happiness comes from within the contentment of a person and not from what they can get from others.
Married folks who cheat over and over again are addicted to acting out sexually and emotionally because the newness of the relationship strokes the ego and reassures them they are worth something. As with any relationship based on feelings, the feelings of desire that they have for the other person will soon diminish and they are back out looking for someone else to fuel their need for approval. Ironically it will most likely be someone else who is also approval needy.
This is sad indeed. Everyone is a creation of God and has special qualities about them that make them unique and valuable in society. But unfortunately some people do not really consider themselves to be a child of God and therefore have low self-images and never come out of their shells this is one reason why they have superficial relationships with others. Spiritual bankruptcy leads to selfish behaviors.
God intends marriage to be a sanctified (set apart) union based on acts of love and the encouraging and building up of one another. When these two components in marriage cease to exist, a person is more inclined to check out the grass on the other side of the fence. But society still cannot blame one spouse for the indiscretions of another because adults have choices. If they are mature enough to get married then they are certainly mature enough to make moral choices for themselves. Blaming one spouse for the failure of the marriage is a copout.
Is Your Cheating Spouse Sex Addicted?
Sexual and emotional addiction starts in the mind of individuals early on in life. As in any addiction the “acting out” part of the addiction is only a symptom of something greater going on within the addict. With any addiction the addict needs deep inner healing before they will recover.
We see many people with addictions go to rehabilitation, psychiatric counseling, alcoholics anonymous and sex anonymous, but they still are still being controlled by their addictions. What is the problem? These treatments are fine and good as secondary methods of treating addiction but for true healing, emotional and spiritual, to take place the addict needs to seek God for their sustenance. God created us and is the only Source that can make us whole people in Him. We have to change our attitude, our heart, and mind and become new people. God will give us the ability to love others and ourselves properly.
Unfortunately for many people, pride keeps the addict controlled by their addiction because they care more about the approval from people than from God. In the case of Hollywood celebrities they feel they must keep their image intact. This is the saddest part of it all being afraid to show how God matters in your life. For those people who never deny their selfish and sinful life, they will always be living in an unhappy existence. Those who love an addict will continue to be abused and pained by the behaviors of the addict unless they take care of their own life and do something about their circumstances.
Is your spouse cheating? As you can see, it is not your problem. They aren’t doing it to you they are doing it to themselves. Yes, it hurts to know that the person you love has been with someone else and your feelings tell you lies, like your spouse doesn’t love you anymore or they don’t find you attractive but your feelings are wrong. Your spouse doesn’t know how to love properly and they cheated because they are spiritually sick and have no respect for themselves or for those they cheated with it has nothing to do with you.
So what would God want you to do about this? Your only part is to love the person, if that’s possible, and not enable the behavior. If they won’t get the healing they need, what can you do? You have to take care of yourself, right? Don’t let their addiction consume your own life and undermine your faith and love in God. The only thing God asks of you is to be a good example to your spouse. Leave the addiction with the addict and let them clean up their own messy life.
Angie has written six Christian God-help books to encourage and support you in your marriage and health. Angie and Franks Marriage Ministry: http://www.heavenministries.com