By Mrs. Happy
Mrs. Happy’s heart goes out to single believers who are struggling mightily with sexual desire. She hasn’t forgotten what it was like to be single and sexually frustrated with no (righteous) relief in sight. So it is with dismay that she sees how many young Christian men are unwilling to make a marriage commitment—yet find themselves unable to live a sexually pure life. There is an obvious answer to their predicament: Get married. Yes, it is absolutely legitimate for a believing man to marry a believing woman with sex being one of the primary motivating factors.
Before you freak out on me, take note of my qualifying words: believing men and women, meaning followers of Jesus Christ. If Jesus is first in your life, you have what it takes to make marriage work.
And it doesn’t mean you’re shallow and spiritually suspect if you marry for sex. It just means you’ve made a realistic assessment of your strengths and weaknesses and have concluded that if you delay marriage much longer, you’ll likely end up in sexual sin.
Mrs. Happy knows there are many reasons for foot-dragging when it comes to marriage: finishing college; getting established financially; waiting till you’re spiritually and emotionally “ready.” But are any of these more important in God’s eyes than living a sexually pure life?
It is ironic that young men generally are the ones delaying marriage, yet the Word of God—as well as countless secular studies—indicate that marriage is more beneficial for men than for women. God, after all, did not tell a woman that it is “not good” for her to be alone (Genesis 2:18); He spoke that solely to the man. In Proverbs 18:22, He adds a tremendous promise: A man who finds a wife “obtains favor from the Lord.”
So, brothers, are you experiencing a favor deficit in your life? Are you enduring setbacks and frustrations in your education, career, and ministry? Are you fighting what seems to be a losing battle with sexual thoughts? Get married. Simple solution.
Mrs. Happy has seen it time and again: When a young man makes a decision to take a wife and willingly shoulder the responsibilities that go along with it, he receives much favor. His character deepens; his efforts are multiplied; his success increases. He is greater with her than he is by himself.
Quit waiting around for the perfect girl, like you’re some perfect specimen yourself. You will marry someone as perfect as you are.
Ha ha—that ought to make you laugh. If it doesn’t, you think way more highly of yourself than you ought.
Mrs. Happy recently spent some time talking to a couple who married young: She was 19, he was 20. Both were university students; both were believers with a strong commitment to Christ. They didn’t have sex with each other before they were married.
Some months afterward, they conceived a child—which wasn’t part of the plan. But God gave them favor, and they are thriving in their marriage today. So is their infant son. The wife picks up the story from here:
What are the advantages of marrying young?
You get to carry out God’s will with a companion. You get to share Christ’s love and grow in Him together. There is also the benefit of not having to deal with the temptation of sex. You get to enjoy sex whenever and however you want to, and it glorifies God. There is so much pressure to have sex outside of marriage, even for many believers. Marriage has been a provision for me in many ways, especially when it comes to sex. Sex is great!
Another advantage of marrying young is being an example to other young believers of a marriage that glorifies God. I get to be a companion and support for my husband early in his journey. I get to be his primary source of encouragement, which God is definitely equipping me for. It’s been a win-win-win situation.
Has anything surprised you about marriage?
Yes. I heard before I was married that marriage doesn’t solve all of your problems, and it’s true. You definitely learn quickly that God has to be your first love.
Also, I was surprised about how much I didn’t know and still don’t know about sex. The journey is wonderful. Your sex life is like clay; you can mold it however you like.
I didn’t know how blessed I would be simply having a godly man as a husband. I can share my innermost thoughts with my husband and not be embarrassed.
One last thing: I’ve learned that marriage quickly exposes your heart and pushes you to start dealing with things that need to be pruned so you can grow and mature in the Lord. It can be ugly, but when you know better you do better.
Are there any challenges that tend to be greater for those who marry young?
The obvious challenge is financial stability. We were both juniors in college when we got married. We haven’t started careers. It gets even more challenging when you have a child. You have to start dealing with “adult” responsibilities earlier. But if you ask me, it’s better this way. You get to exercise that old muscle of faith, and I’ll be the first to testify that God has provided every need!
Though our finances aren’t where they could be, I’d still get married at 19 all over again. Here in our society we’re encouraged to go to college, start our career, and then get married. As a believer, I don’t think this is wise for a man or a woman. Marriage in the Lord strengthens your walk with Christ and advances your life.
Why do you think so many Christian men are reluctant to marry young?
Fear. Is she really the one? Is there a such thing as the one? Will I be able to provide? What if I’m rejected? Can I do this? Is it worth it?
Another big factor is that not enough guys are living pure. I believe that if more young men and women lived sexually pure lives, more guys would want to get married.
Do you have any thoughts or advice for those who are thinking of getting married young?
I would encourage them to seek the Lord first in all things. Pursue him strongly in your singleness. Then, ask the Lord what he thinks of you marrying your fiancé right now. You really have to tune out other people and discuss this with the Lord. God is not concerned about the same things our society is concerned with. He is not limited by how much money you make or your education status.
Marriage in the Lord is wonderful. I’m not painting a picture of perfection, because I’ve learned that love is a choice. But it’s a great one. Don’t live in sin or in bondage to sexual temptation. If you’re being pursued or pursuing someone and the Lord approves of your union, don’t wait! If you’re concerned about money, make a plan and a back-up plan and trust God; He always provides for His children. Get married if that’s your desire, and honor God with your body and your relationship.
Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time. She enjoys receiving your comments and questions online; visit www.mannaexpressonline.com.
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