Every now and then, Mrs. Happy checks herself. Is what she’s writing coming from a place of joy and trust in God, or has she allowed fear and anger to creep in? Marriage and sex, after all, are wonderful gifts of God—created by God, blessed by God, and designed to be a blessing to us, His children. Yet it is easy to get overwhelmed by people and their problems. Listening to other folks’ struggles in marriage, it is tempting to take sides and begin speaking against one of the partners. This, however, will silence the voice of the Holy Spirit and squelch your ability to give godly counsel and support. It is important to remember two things: 1. You are only hearing one side of the story at best, and 2. Regardless of what the “guilty” party has done, God still loves that person and desires to redeem them.
Mrs. Happy has known women in ministry who began with a soft heart toward God but heard so much of the sins of men through counseling that they started to develop a hard heart toward men generally. Mind you, these women in ministry sincerely cared about the ladies they were counseling, but somewhere along the line all of these the sad tales caused them to take sides and become judges of the situations presented to them. When they became judges in their hearts, they eventually began to speak against men as a group. The Holy Spirit promptly withdrew from their counsel.
Now don’t get me wrong: The Word of God is clear that we are to “judge” sin among believers (1 Corinthians 5:12, 13). Adultery is sin. Fornication is sin. Lying is sin. We shouldn’t dance around these matters; the Word speaks clearly on all of them. But when we begin to judge a person’s heart—declaring what we believe to be their motives, or summing up their overall character negatively—we are on very dangerous ground. There is only one righteous Judge—God—and we as humans have a continual tendency to judge by the outward appearance instead of the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). In other words, though we may believe that a certain situation is plain for all to see, there are things going on in a person’s heart that only God can see. So we had best tread lightly.
Do not allow yourself to voice a negative attitude about men—and especially your husband. You could end up begin speaking curses on him without even realizing it, and you will reap the harvest of your words (Proverbs 18:21). If you’re reading this and the Holy Spirit has revealed to you that you harbor resentment toward men, confess this sinful attitude right now and allow God to soften your heart and fill you with His love. Then tell a godly female friend about your confession so she can hold you accountable.
We want supernatural results in our marriage and in our loved ones’ marriages, don’t we? We had better tap into the love and discernment of God instead of our own prejudices.
Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time.
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