Church Bulletin Bloopers
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy”.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Pope drives a car
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, “Just a moment please, I need to call in.” The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he’s got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it. “It’s not Ted Kennedy again is it?” replies the chief. “No Sir!” replied the trooper, “This guy’s more important.” “Is it the Governor?” replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper. “Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief. “No! Even more important!” replies the trooper. “Well WHO is it?” screams the chief. “I don’t know Sir.” replies the trooper, “but he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”Throw all in the riverAn experienced preacher concluded his sermon by saying … If I were asked to drink all the SCOTCH, WHISKEY, and WINE in this world, I’ll throw them in the river. Immediately choir master stood up and said, for our closing song let’s sing “WE SHALL WAIT BY THE RIVER SIDE”
Water at all costs
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later….”Da-ad….”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later:”Da-aaaad…..”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??”
“I told you NO!” If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”
Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
The One Dollar Bill
There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were laying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, “Hey mannnnnn, where have you been. I haven’t seen you in a long time?” The $20 dollar bill replied, “Man I have been having a ball!! I’ve been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. In fact, just this week I’ve been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all day retreat spa, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino!! I have done it all!!!”
After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1dollar bill, “What about you? Where have you been?” The $1 dollar replied, “Well, I’ve been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Episcopalian church the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the Mormon church, the church of the Latter Day Saints , the A.M.E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the… “WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A M I N U T E !!”, shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill. “What’s a church??”
Send us Clean, Christian, non-offensive Jokes for publication. Your name and email will be published.
- Happy Thanksgiving From MannaEXPRESS - November 26, 2020
- The Unlikely Inspiring Story Of Navy SEAL Remi Adeleke - November 18, 2020
- How to erect and maintain a family prayer altar - November 3, 2020