I am the first lady and my husband is the pastor of the church we attend. We have been married for 15 years. Recently, my mind pushed me to do something that I normally would not do. Because of the reckless spending habits of my husband over the years, I secretly opened a savings account in my name that he is unaware of. We still operate the joint account together, but I am scared of waking up one morning with nothing to fall back on. Is my action wise or foolish?
Your action was rooted in fear, and this kind of fear brings no good fruit.
Your action was also deceptive. When you open the door to deception, it is hard to shut it again. You will end up reaping deception.
Would you want your husband to open a secret account and be subject to the temptations that go along with that?
A husband and wife are one in marriage. My husband and I, for example, make no major financial decisions without discussing it together—to do so would be as though part of my body were doing something without the consent of another part. Picture one foot walking forward and one foot walking backward: It is ridiculous.
There are a few exceptions. A few weeks ago, I had to make a quick decision whether to replace the tires on my husband’s car, and it just so happened he was under anesthesia at a clinic right then. But I asked myself, “What would my husband do?” The guiding principle was being “considerate and submissive” (James 3:17). I decided he would have replaced the tires whatever the cost, because he is protective of his family. I asked him later, and he said I’d made exactly the decision he would have made. We have been married for many years, and he knows I am prudent with money.
Not everyone is, of course, and this is how the Tempter bit you. Your husband has handled money carelessly, and this caused fear to brew in you. Your fears are understandable—they are part of the human condition—but God has not given us a spirit of fear. Peter says we are Sarah’s daughters if we “do what is right” concerning our husbands and “do not give way to fear” (1 Peter 3:6). The apostle touches on something deep: The reason we have difficulty submitting to our husbands is fear.
We’ve got to remember that our trust is in God, not man. God cares about the needs of you and your children—He’s got your back–just as much as he cares about your husband.
Do what is right, and tell your husband what you’ve done, and remember that whoever confesses and renounces his sins finds mercy (Proverbs 28:13).
But that’s just the first part of the solution. You and your husband need to carve out a significant chunk of time to talk about money. Pray and seek God first, forgiving your husband for the fear and disappointment he’s caused, so you don’t go in with a bad attitude. Ask God to show your husband the root of his careless spending—fear of lack (if I don’t get it for myself, I’ll never get it at all)? Competition with other pastors? A family curse of poor money management? If you allow God to prepare your heart, it is possible your husband will want to examine these issues with you.
Consider, however, whether you and your husband should seek the counsel of a mature couple in ministry. They will understand the sensitive nature of this problem.
Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time.